THE HEALTH DIARIES PART TWO:
Introduction
“Just The Tip”– Fafa is faced with a series of unfortunate happenings and, hence, is unable to see life optimistically. This story gives us knowledge about good mental health and its essence.
It’s often said that the mind is the central part of the body.
Mad people are described as people who have lost their minds because, ideally, they can’t make rational decisions. A distorted mind is a distorted body, then a distorted life.
Chapter 1: My Good Friend
“Fafa, I really care about you. I appreciate your essence in my life. You mean the world to me.” Kyei was telling me how he truly felt about me, but all I envisioned was him seeing me as a nuisance the next minute or a leech that wouldn’t just go away.
The first time Kyei and I met, it was during a Principles of Marketing class. He looked over at my notepad when he didn’t get what the lecturer said. He told me I had nice handwriting, and from there, we were more or less good pals. Kyei had always been the brother I never had—a very good friend. He actually gave me hope that there were good people out there.
However, I had decided to end all kinds of romantic relationships and never consider them. I couldn’t lose my friend or see him as one of my contributing traumas.
“See, Kyei. This is not the time. Let’s talk about something else, or we call it a day.” I told him.
That was how Kyei stopped saying these sincere words to me and resorted to keeping our friendship casual and occasional.
Chapter 2: Paa Solo
When I was five, I had great things I wanted to be, but when I turned ten, I realised cruelty was not just a word but a person. My father passed away when I was eight, so my mother decided to remarry. Paa Solo was a really good man for my mother, so I was happy for their union. No one could replace my dad, but I thought I wouldn’t mind having Paa Solo as a father.
Paa Solo used to play with me a lot. My mother even referred to me as his favourite. He would take me to school, iron my clothes, make sure I had something to eat, and help me do my homework. Sometimes, he would even help me dress up for our outings, school, and church services. He straightened my dress when I played freely, exposing some parts of my body like a lively-spirited young girl.
One evening, after saying a word of prayer, I was helped by a big “Amen” by Paa Solo as he walked into my room.
“That was a very powerful prayer, Fafa. Do you do that every night?” Paa Solo asked me, and I nodded with a smile.
“What else do you do?” He asked.
“I sleep.” I responded with so much joy.
“Oh… There’s something I can teach you, Fafa.”
First, he grabbed my nightie’s sleeves and brought them down. I realised he wasn’t straightening my nightie, as he usually straightened my clothes, so I squirmed. But he assured me I’d like it. He told me he wasn’t going to hurt me, and then he placed his face in my chest area as if he were smelling something off of me. I felt very uneasy. I didn’t understand what he was doing, but I didn’t say a word. I watched as he brought my nightie sleeve lower and took off his shirt. He carried me bridal style, like the way he had carried my mother at the wedding, and placed me on the bed.
He then removed his shorts, touched my thighs all the way up, and pulled my panty down. That was when I realised Paa Solo was not doing anything good. I moved my legs and started crying, but he covered my mouth. “Just the tip,” he said. “You won’t get hurt.” He lied over me, and I struggled to come out from under him, but he would not allow me. He covered my mouth with one hand and held both hands over my head. “Just the tip, Fafa, dear. Just the tip.” He kept saying this as he painfully stroked in and out of me.
That was the beginning of endless chains of abuse for me. Paa Solo raped me that night and every other night after that.
When I told my mother about it, she said he was just playing with me, so I shouldn’t talk about it.
“Maa, but I don’t like the game.” I told her.
“Don’t you dare let your decisions cause my husband to leave me!” My mother shouted at me.
When I couldn’t take it anymore and started attacking him when he came to my room, my mother would beat me up. She told me how I might ruin her marriage.
“The least you can do is be an asset in my life, Fafa. Just give him what he wants. Don’t you want peace in this house?” She told me, and since then, I suffered in silence as my stepfather sexually molested me with the permission of my own mother.
I successfully completed my education, despite the sexual abuse, and I am currently the owner of a well-known boutique in the city. However, the trauma I harbour is a burden on my mind till date.
Chapter 3: Unforgettable Treats
As I grew, I found myself needing love but not having it after my father passed away. My stepfather had become my worst nightmare, and my mother had become the mother I wish I never had.
This had a great impact on my way of thinking. I desperately needed love, so I resorted to giving in to any man who showed me the slightest sign of love. I got clingy and never wanted to lose them because I felt if I lost them, maybe I would meet another calibre of my stepfather.
But I was in for a new set of unforgettable treats.
I needed love so badly that it took me three failed relationships to realise I should just resort to a world where love is an illusion.
I met Nana when I was eighteen. Nana used my vulnerability against me. Whenever I told him I didn’t want to sleep with him, he said, “C’mon, but your body has already been abused by your stepfather.” I couldn’t take it any longer, and it seemed like I made his day when I quit the relationship.
Later, I met Kwame when I was twenty-two. He abused me physically because he saw me as someone who would be nothing without him. “With all the things you’ve been through, I’m the good thing you have going on. You can’t leave me.” He always said.
When my lecturer realised the bruises on my skin, he asked me what was going on, and I told him everything about Kwame. The worst happened. My lecturer took advantage of me and tried to rape me one night. I managed to escape; however, he failed me, and I had to rewrite that paper before I could graduate.
Finally, there was Kojo. I thought Kojo had come to stay. He was sweet and showed me love all the time. However, one day, I overheard him refer to me as “good for nothing and God-forsaken” to his friends. That was when I vowed that it was the end of the line for me.
I thought I was actually not good enough for anyone and amounted to nothing.
Despite being an entrepreneur, I always thought anyone who was nice to me was doing me a favour. That I wasn’t worth it.
I thought I was fortunate for someone to love me. I had lost my self-worth.
I had been discussing these thoughts with Maame, one of my good friends. I also told her how I felt Kyei might be different from all the guys I had met, but I just couldn’t allow myself to be with him.
She told me she knew a pastor who doubled as a psychologist and could help me.
I reminded her of what the lecturer had done to me, and she told me I shouldn’t worry.
“You have already clocked 30, Fafa. If you don’t change this mindset and embrace the future, you may ruin your entire life by losing it to the trauma of the past and not embrace the happiness of the future.” She told me.
So I took her advice. I went to see the pastor.
Chapter 4: Say it Till You Believe it
Rev. Dr. Elorm Oti was very friendly. He was professional about his job and didn’t allow spirituality to override his judgement. He was very real and practical.
“The mind is an extremely powerful part of our very existence.” We become what we think.
Trauma can go a long way towards disorienting your thoughts, and the cruelty of people can affect the way we see ourselves. However, people must not control your mind. You must own your mind and feed it with what’s right.
When you wake up in the morning, Fafa, look in the mirror and affirm positive declarations.
Say it till you believe it. Feed your mind: I’m beautiful. I’m worth more than billions can buy. I’m invaluable. I’m smart. I’m special. There’s nothing that can stop me from having a fruitful day.”
After speaking to Rev. Dr. Oti, I purchased a pack of sticky notes and wrote positive affirmations on them. I stuck them on the wall in my room and on my fridge door.
He also told me how I must work at affirming these things. He was impressed by how I owned my own boutique despite life’s trauma. “It’s one step towards seeing yourself as an achiever and not a failure.” He told me.
I’m an achiever, not a failure. That was the first thing I wrote on the first sticky note.
“Eat a good meal. Engage in routine exercises. Keep the body fit. Live your affirmations. Good mental health means good, healthy living.”
A few months later, I felt good about who I had become. I understood the value of positive affirmations. I understood the ability to be in control of the mind and not let circumstances control it. I understood the essence of good mental health. Hence, it was time for the improved Fafa to see Kyei.
Chapter 5: Kyei
I went to see Kyei one evening at his house and apologised for my ill treatment towards his feelings. I made him aware that he was not the problem. I explained things to him and made him aware that I was working towards good mental health. However, I was not mentally ready for a relationship.
Before I left Kyei that night, he said the words I thought I would never hear from a man with so much sincerity. “You’re really beautiful, Fafa. Your trauma might have taken a toll on you, but I see who you have strived to become, and honestly, it makes me admire you more. However, I’ll wait till you’re ready for all the love I have to give you.”
Kyei became one of my motivations for becoming better. I never missed a morning of positive affirmations. I never missed my appointment with Rev. Dr. Oti. When I thought I was anything less than the affirmations, I said it till I believed it. I fed my mind. I did a routine fitness checkup and exercise. A healthy mind is definitely a healthy body.
I realised I may not be able to erase the trauma of endless disappointments and abuse, but I can prevent them from influencing my thoughts, actions, and progress.
Be in control of the mind. Affirm positive declarations, and work at them. Maintain good mental health.